Mistletoe Can Be Deadly If You Eat It
by BiteMeTechie
Summary: Holidays are always hard. Rodney McKay just seems to delight in making them harder. Luckily, another staff member can match him, blow for verbal blow...and then some. [McWinter]


A/N: This story used to be a part of Snarktastic, which was a series of one-shots. I am posting this on its own for two reasons. One, while it was originally intended to be a drabble, it ballooned into something so large it can stand on its own; and two, posting it separately will make it easier for someone on the look out for certain characters or genres to find it. Snarktastic was originally written during the lull between seasons two and three; therefore all the stories are set somewhere in there.

Word Count: 702

Prompt: eris86 really _is_ evil...she suggested Glomp. That, in combination with a wonderful line in the story 'The Unkindness of Ravens' by Bright Nova (who is my honest to goodness writing _**idol**_...go worship her. WORSHIP I SAY! -shakes fist-) is responsible for the following. It was written on a lark as a comment to one of Elizabeth Bartlett's journal entries on live journal and it just _begged_ to be turned into a ficlet. It's McKay/Winter; so if you don't know who she is, you might want to have a gander at the fic 'Retribution!' to find out (I promise...totally worth it XD).

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Rodney McKay and Lydia Winter (or as he called her in his head 'My mortal enemy and bane of my existence') stood parallel each other outside her quarters. Both of them held a small gift wrapped package and did _not_ look happy about what was about to transpire.

Rodney cleared his throat, "It has come to my attention-"

Winter sighed and rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything.

Rodney narrowed his eyes at her with suspicion, "What?"

"Can you at least try to be nice about this?" she asked, clearly annoyed.

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I _know_ Weir is forcing us into the Christmas spirit with this gift exchange thing, but you could at least _pretend_ it's not the worst thing you've ever had to deal with."

Rodney scoffed and snapped at her, "Well, excuse me for being grouchy about having to put off my research and brilliant-"

She effectively cut him off with a snort.

"What," he said, not really phrasing it as a question so much as a demand.

"You couldn't find your own ass without Zelenka," she answered with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Oh, ha ha little miss 'I misplace my notes at the drop of a hat and need to borrow Rodney's copies constantly because my lab is such a mess'," he retorted.

"It's not a mess."

"It's utter chaos!"

"It's _organized_ chaos."

He nodded, his gesture dripping with condescension, "Uh huh...uh huh...and 'organized chaos' is why that dinner plate you've had in there for God knows how long tried to take a walk on it's own?"

She tipped her head at him curiously, "Squishy is showing signs of independent life?"

Rodney stared at her in disbelief, "You...named it?"

Winter answered as though it was the most natural thing in the world, "Well...after the first week, it kinda got to be a fixture. Couldn't very well call it 'plate of what used to be alien whatever it is' forever, could I?"

"I just...I have...how can I _possibly_ reply to that?"

"It was a rhetorical question, doofus."

Rodney set his jaw and glared at her.

It didn't affect her in the least, and her brow furrowed momentarily as she thought aloud. "Why were we here again?" Seeing the little box in her hands reminded her, "Oh right...wishes for a happy holiday season. Happy Holidays, Rodney."

She shoved the box at him with a smile that tried to pass as genuine.

He took the proffered box and grumbled under his breath.

"Oh come on, McKay...get into the holiday spirit."

"Don't wanna."

Winter reached over and poked him in the side, "If you don't, I go borrow some of Teyla's Athosian Mistletoe and tape it to your forehead."

Rodney's eyes shot up to meet her mischievous grin as he stared at her in revulsion, "Y-y-you wouldn't _dare_!"

"Oh yes I would," she answered, her grin becoming more and more earnest by the second. "And you _know_ how Kavanagh's been looking at you lately."

She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and he recoiled with a horrified squeak.

Now disenchanted with the idea of resisting the seemingly inescapable holiday spirit, he tossed the box at her and she caught it deftly, "HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Happy, happy, happy! Merry Christmas, happy new year, happy everything until next winter!"

She stifled a snicker, "Nicely done."

Rodney allowed himself a tiny breath of relief, "This mean you won't...um...with the Athosian mistletoe?"

She plucked at the little metallic red ribbon on her gift box without looking at him, "Don't have to."

He looked at her in confusion, "Huh?"

Winter looked back up at him, "You're standing under some right now…"

Rodney's eyes grew to the size of saucers and he looked upwards where some of the offending plant was hung, "WHAT?"

He wasn't given much time to consider the plant in question before he found himself with an armful of pain-in-the-ass-thinks-she-knows-it-all physicist

When she pulled back away from him, he somehow managed to get his voice to work despite his shock at being smooched by a woman who professed to hate his guts, "Whadja do THAT for?"

She grinned at him with all the subtlety of a Cheshire cat, "Had to find _some_ way to shut you up…"


End file.
